Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
(Ouch!)
But I love it anyway
I love what I do. I love that when I started making music, it wasn't even a second thought that I wanted to be producing my own work. I love holing up in my room and getting lost in all these ideas floating around that I get to grab at and pull from thin air. I've loved the journey of learning and making through and through, but it has been lined with growing pains that I can't say I was necessarily prepared for.
I find myself stricken with doubt to such a degree at times over something I've made, technically for my own enjoyment, that it cripples me to the point where I wonder why I even thought I could do it in the first place and I should just stop now. Then those thoughts make me feel like I failed the better version of myself that just loves to do it, and that is a massively disappointing thing to feel, but it's real.
I never felt this sort of unforgiving and shameful sort of doubt that I do at times about my production with my writing or performances; I'm always much more reasonable about it and I don't feel the same degree of obsessive perfectionism when doubts do trickle in. I find that odd, and I'm working on it.
Saying all of this, I am proud of and enjoy my work, I love learning and seeing progress, and I love creating. I say all of this not to lament or complain but because of a selfish reason: it's a real and honest truth and I always feel a sense of relief to just embrace those and put it out there; and a much less selfish reason: I know I am hardly the only one to feel like this but I don't think it's talked about openly enough and I'd like to give even a small window into that.
P.S. I like to think that the things we love and care for the most are the things we push through our doubts for.
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